Sunday, December 23, 2007

"I'M A TERRIBLE MOTHER" moments...

I drove H to Target and Bed, Bath and Beyond today so that she could finish her Christmas shopping. She had something very specific in mind to get...wouldn't tell me what it was. She is SO excited about Christmas this year. I think it's because she has done all her own shopping, with her own money. She's starting to "get it"...you know, the feeling of wanting to watch people open the present she's selected for them. I hope everyone else does a better job than I did with the gift she gave me last year. She bought a little black handbag for me. It was actually very cute, and very much like the kind of bag I'd take at night. I thanked her profusely and carried it a couple of times when we went out together. But I have several black bags so it kind of got moved to the back of the rotation and when we moved last year and I was cleaning out my closets, I decided to get rid of a lot of things. Before giving anything away I would ask her if she wanted it. I saw the bag and, forgetting that she gave it to me, offered it to her. She never told me that she knew it was the bag she bought for me, until today. We were talking about how exciting it is to see people open the gifts we'd picked out, and she said, "I remember when you gave me the bag I bought for you." I looked over and there were tears in her eyes. I felt horrible. There were no words to make her feel any better. This is one of those, "I'M A TERRIBLE MOTHER" moments. I tried to explain how much it meant to me that she chose it for me, but the more I apologized, the worse it all seemed. She is such a loving, giving, sensitive young woman, and when I see her hurting it hurts me, too.