Wednesday, April 23, 2008

To my 14 year old daughter...P.S.

I was browsing through the mom blogs on the Mom's Alltop site (which is a great way to scan through tons of blogs to find the most interesting posts), and came across White Trash Mom's post "I'm sorry it sucks to be 14". She hits the nail on the head with the whole "size" issue. Only the girls who are beanpoles can really wear the clothes that "everyone else" is wearing. It's hard enough for me to try not to pass on to H my fear of obesity (which runs in our family), and my (sometimes unhealthy) obsession with exercise. Most of the time, she is totally happy with her beautiful self, but when she goes in to try on clothes and has to go up a size or two, or the clothes just aren't flattering on her, because she doesn't weight 80 pounds, I can see her getting upset. I guess we all go through this at this age, but I don't remember the clothes being so tiny when I was 14. I really love one of the comments on this post, saying "You might add that if Marilyn Monroe were around today, they'd send her to the Woman's department at Macy's. And all of those Size 0s? In 50 years, they'll look really great with their decorated walkers, seeing as how their bones will have crumbled by then."

I'd like to add a P.S. to the letter:

P.S. I'm also sorry that you're discovering that friends who are starting to notice boys in a whole new way will totally leave you in the dust if you don't feel comfortable with flirting or dirty dancing (which you call grinding). That if you want to spend time with the girls you've known and loved since Kindergarten you'll have to also spend time with boys who are girl crazy and flirt and tease your girlfriends, making them think the boys really like them when they're just playing and having fun.

I'm sorry that you're sad when your friends choose to be with other girls who are into the things you don't like. But I'm also proud of you for standing your ground, and reaching out to some girls that you wouldn't otherwise have gotten to know. Being 14 kind of sucks, but it does get better, I promise.

Stay true to yourself. You might even start liking those silly boys, and you might enjoy the attention, instead of it making you uncomfortable. You might even make some new friends. As the years go by and your confidence and maturity grow, you will look back and think about the lessons you learned during difficult times.


I wish someone had written a letter like this to me when I was 14. I probably wouldn't have taken it seriously, anyway. I knew everything back then.