The Power of Friendship

Last weekend, my girlfriends (CR, KE, VB, and CH) and I hit the road for a "girl's trip" to North Carolina. CH and I were college roommates, CR and I met in college when we dated two guys who were best friends, and I met VB and KE around that same time. We started counting back and realized that we've been doing girl's trips for 27 years. It doesn't really matter where we go, (and we've been to a lot of places: Gatlinburg, Ft. Lauderdale, Destin, Orlando, Boca Grande, Acapulco, Las Vegas, Atlanta, Memphis, Asheville, Lake Toxaway, Myrtle Beach, West Palm, Los Angeles...and probably more places that I can't remember right now) we always have such a wonderful, bonding, relaxing, laugh until your stomach hurts, fun time.

We're getting older, I guess. Our laugh lines are a little bit deeper, but I treasure each one. I love these girls. We don't see each other as often as we used to, because we are all married, with kids, and live on opposite ends of town. But it's
funny, even when we don't see each other for a long time, whenever we're together we pick up right where we left off.

CR is the party planner. I can put together any group of people, throw CR in the mix, and it will be a great time. She is so beautiful, but has no hesitation in making herself look ridiculous. In our single days, when a guy was being obnoxious, she'd rummage in her purse, find an eye pencil, and black out her teeth. Worked every time!

I know, with VB, she will always tell me the truth...about anything. "Esa, you're hair color is too dark", or "Esa, those pants are a little tight, don't ya think?" She is the "supermom", "super-friend" and "super-organizer". She works full time, has three incredibly busy kids, and volunteers for EVERYTHING.


My college roommate was CH. She loves to be the center of attention, and always says whatever comes into her mind (which has gotten her into trouble a few times), but would stand up to anyone to defend a friend.

Look up "pure goodness" and you'd find KE. She is truly the sweetest person I know. I have never, ever, heard her say anything negative about anyone. She knows more about the bible than anyone I know, but is never judgmental or preachy. She's a business owner, and is raising her niece, and I admire her so much.

This group of girls, along with a few others that we've met along the way, has been a source of laughter, support, encouragement, cheap therapy, stress relief, and comfort.
Studies show that having a network of friends, especially girlfriends, will help you live longer, have healthier bodies and reduce stress.

More than one study has proven that social connections decrease the risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol. You can cut your risk of death by 60% just having a greater number of friends over a 9 year period. These findings are so incredible that studies have concluded that not having close friends or confidants was as damaging to your health as being a smoker or overweight!

I'm so thankful that I have these girls in my life. We've been through college, dating, break-ups, career changes, children, illness, surgeries, marriages, divorces, and through it all we always find time to be there for each other. I know that some so-called "friends" can actually add more stress to your life, but not these women. Even though everyone has families, responsibilities, and crazy busy lives, we have maintained a special relationship that just keeps on giving back. I came home from this trip re-energized, focused, and ready to take on the world!

Ahhhh, Summer!

I took a few days to pretend I was actually on summer break, with nothing to do but sleep late, watch TV, go to the pool, eat popsicles... Then I remembered-I'm a mom, mom's don't get breaks. Oh well, back to Mom reality, driving H all over the place, packing for basketball camp, motivating (nagging) her to start her summer reading, grocery shopping...



It's not that bad, really. Since H is out of school, everything is more relaxed. We can actually linger at the dinner table, unlike during the school year, when she has to cram some food in her face and do homework for the rest of the night. She must be in some kind of crazy growth spurt or something, because she has learned how to sleep late. She never was a late sleeper, but she is loving that bed this summer.



Basketball tryouts were this week, and I was so nervous! She was too, I guess, but I really wanted them to go well, so that she'd meet some girls from her new school before school starts in the fall. They have three weeks of summer practice, workouts, and camps before the "blackout period" starts at the end of this month. She did a little bit of spring basketball, and worked out a lot with a private coach we found here, who we LOVED. She is an ex-WNBA player, a point guard, and was a high scorer at The University of Oregon when she was in college. She did some really great things with H, and it paid off. The high school coach at the new school told H it was obvious she'd been working hard in the off-season. When I picked her up after the first day, she almost skipped to the car, with an ear-to-ear grin. She is having a blast, and loves the players and the coach.



Whew...



Anyway, I've been enjoying the summer so much that I haven't written in awhile, so here are some pictures of some of the things we've been doing.



Spent a few days in Florida for my Mother-in-law's birthday. She had a dinner party with 25 people, and H gave an impromptu toast. She was so poised and said such beautiful things that my mommy heart almost exploded with pride! (that's sparkling grape juice in her champagne glass, by the way)









H's friends (and their parents) had a "going-away" party for her:







J's gardens were so beautiful this year we invited a few friends over for memorial day:



















And last weekend, J's college roommate from Chicago brought his 11 year old son down to North Carolina for a boy's fishing trip (but H and I couldn't stay away, so we joined them for a few days). J taught H and her friend how to cast, and we fished all afternoon.







This weekend I'm taking four of my college friends back to North Carolina. To be continued...

Body Image and Teenage Girls

With Memorial Day coming up, J and I invited some close friends and their kids (who are also H's close friends) to come over to the house to swim and grill out. We've had a pool for about 6 years, and have great memories of the kids having a blast in the water while the parents get together at the same time. This year, the mom of one of H's best friends said her daughter doesn't want to swim. When I asked why, she said it was because she doesn't want to wear a bathing suit in public. That breaks my heart.

I remember eighth grade as being probably the most awkward year for me, appearance wise, and I can see that in H's friends as well. Not that they look bad, it's just the year that their bodies change drastically from the beginning of the year to the end of the year. Their skin goes crazy, their bodies grow like never before, and clothes don't fit the same way that they have for most of their lives. H had difficulty with the size NUMBER, when she outgrew some of her jeans and we went shopping for new ones. This is a scary time for me, as a mom. I want to teach H how to eat right, exercise, and stay healthy, but I want to avoid things like this short video...

Despite fears of diminishing influence over their children's lives, research shows that parents continue to be essential role models, in both positive and negative ways. A 1991 Yale study, published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, found that women who began dieting at early ages were more likely to have daughters who would engage in binging or have problems with eating. These mothers were also more likely than other women to agree, when asked, that their daughters should lose weight.

"It's my impression that parents are not sending negative messages deliberately. They're doing it unconsciously," says Debra Franko, PhD, director of the Harvard Eating Disorders Unit at Harvard Medical School. "A mother might say, 'Oh, these pants used to fit last winter and now they're too tight.' The mother doesn't have a sense that she's saying anything wrong, but that statement, in combination with all the other messages a child is getting, might leave an impression that how you look means a great deal."

"I wouldn't tell a child that appearance doesn't matter, because in our society it does," says Rebecca Manley, director of the Massachusetts Eating Disorders Association. "But it's about looking at what (qualities or attributes) you do have, and focusing on those things."

So, what are we supposed to say as parents, when our daughters try to wear the jeans that "used to fit" and now are too tight? What do we say when they say they want to "firm up" a little for the swimsuit season? Should we give them advice on making good food choices, or portion sizes, or should we try to change the subject, and say they're fine as they are, go ahead and eat that jumbo sized muffin at Panera?

I know there is a a happy medium in there somewhere. I have been super-cautious as H grows up not to let her see ME obsess about weight, or exercise, although I'm sure she sees it subliminally. I've tried not to tell her that any food is BAD, but to balance out nutritious food with the sugary, fatty stuff that bombards them every day.

I read countless articles that say to teach our girls to "celebrate their bodies individual strengths and vitalities, regardless of dress size", and that "numbers on a scale or jean size or breadth of their hips must not determine their self-esteem". That's all well and good, but when every TV show, magazine article, and teen movie shows girls who look like barbie dolls, those ideals just kind of seem like empty words.

I hope H's friend changes her mind and swims on Memorial Day. I want to see her beautiful smile, laughing with her friends and enjoying an afternoon of fun.