Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Teenage girls, boys, and DRAMA...Part 2

It was bound to happen. Putting 105 girls in one age group together, and no matter how wonderful the setting is, there will be DRAMA.

H is still very glad she made the change to this school. The opportunities for girls, the comraderie, the class participation, class offerings, extracurricular choices, and the abundance of girls to hang out with are all still good. She's been rolling along, staying super busy, meeting a few new girls and gradually getting included in some of the outings, so far so good. But as I mentioned in the previous post, the Winter Formal is coming up, and she is having to step outside of her comfort zone if she wants to have a "date" to the dance.

She got over the initial problem of her friend wanting to invite the same boy. The friend changed her mind and gave her blessing, so all was good there. Then she just had to decide when to invite him. Not too early (looks desperate), and not too late (he might get invited by someone else). Then she had to decide how to invite him (text message, instant message or gasp! an actual phone call?)

So this week, she asked me to sit with her while she called him. (Never mind that I was shocked,amazed and happy that she asked me to witness it). You have to understand, that for her to call a boy was a major step into the unknown. I don't think she has ever actually initiated a text message, much less a phone call. So the call was made, he picked up and she asked him...almost as much in person (in these days of texting) as if they were face to face. He said "Yes", and she got off the phone so fast it was as if it was burning her skin! Whew. The smile of relief on her face said it all.

So, the next day she floated into school, only to enter the den of gossip. Evidently this boy was a popular choice. He went to lower school with a bunch of girls who have been at H's school (together) for four or five years. So you know, those cliques are well established and exclusive. One girl in particular was horrified that H had asked this boy, mainly because she was planning on asking him herself. And she let everyone in close vicinity to her know it. She thought it was "weird" and "wrong" that H had asked him...how dare she? She didn't even know him very well! H wasn't close to this girl, but now the girl won't even look at H in the hallway.

This was very upsetting to H. She'd never been the subject of so much hateful gossip. And it was made even worse by the drama of the "group".

The GROUP is almost as important as the DATE. They never go to the dance as a couple, it's always as a group. And the makeup of the group is very important. The girls all get together at someone's house to get dressed together, then the boys and their parents come over to take pictures. Who is in the pictures is crucial...plus, the boys should know some of the other boys, so they're not uncomfortable.

This didn't seem to be a problem for H at first. Her friends were inviting his friends, so they were all going to be in her group. They just had to decide who else to invite. That whole situation became another point of contention. Someone wanted to be in the group, someone else didn't want them to be, and H was stuck in the middle. She didn't want to exclude anyone, but she didn't want the others to be uncomfortable. All this combined gave H stomachaches, and she just didn't want to even talk about it.

Time makes everything better. The girl who was angry that H had invited the boy was told by one of her friends that she shouldn't be mad, H didn't know she was planning on inviting him, blah, blah, blah...that died down. The group sorted itself out, so as of now, with the dance four weeks away, everything is copacetic.

But you know, four weeks is a long time. I'm sure more drama is coming. And with four years of high school, it won't be over for a long time.