Growing up, my family attended church at least three times a week; Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night. At some point I stopped drawing on the church bulletin...filling in all the o's and p's, and started listening to the preacher. He always had stories to help illustrate the point of his sermon. I don't remember most of those stories, but one stuck with me, and completely changed the way I prayed.
It went something like this:
There was a guy who was washing windows...high up on scaffolding on a high rise building. Suddenly, the ropes on one side broke, the scaffolding dropped down, and the window washer tumbled off. As he was falling, head over heels, he began to pray.
"Please, God, Please. Save me!"
Suddenly, a flagpole attached to the side of the building snagged the loop on his painter's pants, and stopped his fall.
The man continued his prayer...
"Never mind, God. This flagpole's got me!"
I think the point of the story was to give God credit for the little things he does every day. And to thank him.
So I changed the way I prayed.
"Please, God, let me find my earring in my car." Then, "Thanks, God, for letting me find my earring."
or
"Please, God, when I turn this graded paper over, let there be a good grade."...
"Whew...thanks, God."
And yes, I even prayed for less selfish things...family or friends to recover from sickness, marriages to heal, people to drive safely, and for comfort for those who lose loved ones. And most of the time, I thanked God for listening to my prayers. I have this running dialogue with God, most of the time.
I've never felt comfortable when I see people in public places, making a big show of their prayers. Not that there's anything wrong with that...it's just not what I feel comfortable with. But I pray and talk to God constantly.
I'm kind of monopolizing His time right now. H is driving herself to and from school, and occasionally to a friend's house or to Panera to pick up lunch. She always calls us when she gets where she's going, and before she leaves to come home. This morning she left the house to drive to school...15 minutes away. It's an easy drive, but the first stop sign she comes to is at a notoriously dangerous intersection...there have been many car crashes there, because of an almost blind curve. Anyway, two minutes after she left this morning, the phone rang. J and I looked at each other, and he ran to the caller ID. It was H.
"PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE GOD. Let her be OK," kept running through my brain in the 15 seconds that it took for J to answer the phone, and then look at me and nod that everything was OK. She had pulled over to call because the GPS system was talking to her and she didn't know how to turn it off.
"THANK YOU, GOD."
Monday, November 09, 2009
Monday, November 02, 2009
Driving Away
Almost since the day my daughter was born, I've been watching her leave. Every time it happens, I get this heavy, empty feeling in my heart. The first time was when her grandparents in Florida took her for a few days while J and I went on a long weekend trip when she was 16 months old. For the first day or two that we were gone, we were consumed with missing her. We took pictures with us, and even took a video tape of her so that we could watch "H.. movies" while we were gone. I'll never forget the day we came home and my in-laws brought her back to us. I ran up to her with my arms outstretched...she looked at me, and burrowed her head into her grandma's chest. My mother-in-law still relishes the feeling that gave her, but I still feel the pain and guilt that it took 4 days for my daughter to be more comfortable with my mother-in-law than with me.
I kept her close by for several months after that. Then, I enrolled her in one day a week of preschool. She was 2 years old, and loved every minute of it. I think being an only child meant she loved anything she did that involved other kids. I could never just leave her there, though. I would drop her off, and stand there for a few minutes waiting for her to cry, or beg me not to go, but my social butterfly daughter would always run off, without even looking over her shoulder. So I would go out to the car, and then promptly go back in to the "Observation room"...a little closet with a one way mirror that I could look through to watch her play.
Then, as the years went by, there were more occasions for her to leave me...dance lessons, kindergarten, sleepovers, summer camp, etc. It was never easy to watch her go, but as the years went by, I learned to live with it. But nothing, I mean NOTHING, prepared me for this morning.
There will be more occasions in the future for her to leave: college, work, travel, marriage, etc. It will always hurt watching her go. But I know that she has wonderful life experiences to look forward to. I will pray for her safety and her happiness. But I guess we have to let go. A little bit.
I kept her close by for several months after that. Then, I enrolled her in one day a week of preschool. She was 2 years old, and loved every minute of it. I think being an only child meant she loved anything she did that involved other kids. I could never just leave her there, though. I would drop her off, and stand there for a few minutes waiting for her to cry, or beg me not to go, but my social butterfly daughter would always run off, without even looking over her shoulder. So I would go out to the car, and then promptly go back in to the "Observation room"...a little closet with a one way mirror that I could look through to watch her play.
Then, as the years went by, there were more occasions for her to leave me...dance lessons, kindergarten, sleepovers, summer camp, etc. It was never easy to watch her go, but as the years went by, I learned to live with it. But nothing, I mean NOTHING, prepared me for this morning.
There will be more occasions in the future for her to leave: college, work, travel, marriage, etc. It will always hurt watching her go. But I know that she has wonderful life experiences to look forward to. I will pray for her safety and her happiness. But I guess we have to let go. A little bit.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
A Stressful, Emotional Quotient-building morning
One of my friends on facebook recently posted on her status, "Oh, to be 15 again!" I wrote on her wall..."You couldn't pay me enough to go back!"
Don't get me wrong, I do have many fond memories of high school...Friday night football games, slumber parties with friends, sneaking out of the house to go "rolling", music blasting, hanging out at McDonald's, Pasquale's Pizza, or the school parking lot, having a mad crush on a boy and finding out that he "liked" me, too, first dates, spring baseball games, cheerleading camp, driving for the first time, etc. But NONE of those memories include studying (which I didn't do much of anyway), the awkwardness of social relationships at that age, or especially the nights I would cry myself to sleep because my best friend/boyfriend hurt my feelings.
H is in 10th grade. The second year at a new school. When people ask me or her whether we're glad she made the switch, there is NEVER a hesitation, and we always answer with a resounding "YES!" But the highs and lows of 10th grade are unbelievable. She is facing more and more homework, increasingly difficult subject matter (two of her 'honors' classes are using college textbooks), worrying about getting into a 'good' college, balancing basketball, academics and a social life, conflicts with friends, coping with unpredictable moods, and concerns about her appearance, As if that's not enough, she has to deal with all this while undergoing rapid physical and emotional changes - and without the benefit of life experience.
Last night, my daughter didn't have basketball workouts, practice or games after school, a rarity in her life. She came home right after school, relaxed a little bit, and then set in to do her homework. She was in a great mood...we had a wonderful dinner together, and talked about a lot of things she doesn't usually have the time and/or energy to talk about. She got to bed before 10:00 pm, which is another rare happening. This morning she popped out of bed and started getting ready for school. About 15 minutes later I heard her footsteps running from one room to another, and the inevitable, "Moooooommmmmmmmmmm!"
She had checked her email and realized she forgot an English reading assignment, the first chapter of Oedipus Rex. For my compulsive daughter, who NEVER forgets to turn in her homework, because she likes the extra boost her perfect homework score gives her grade, this was a catastrophe. Of monumental proportions. Suddenly, everything about school was terrible..."It's too much...It's too hard... I can't doooooo ittttt!!!" After I convinced her to sit down and breathe, she started to calm down a little bit. But there were still tears on the way to school. She emailed her teacher, asking if she could get partial credit if she turned it in late, and of course, he agreed.
A typical over-reaction from my teenage daughter. But on the positive side, these challenges may help develop what some experts believe is more important than IQ in predicting future success in work, personal and financial life: the 'Emotional Quotient' or 'EQ'. The EQ includes knowing and managing your emotions, motivating yourself, and recognizing and understanding other people's emotions as well as managing relationships. In other words, how YOU react to challenges in life.
H and I recently watched this Youtube video:
I keep watching it, over and over. I think it is actually embedded in my brain at this point. I told H this morning, it's like the man in the video. The challenge is not the end. It matters how you're going to finish. How you're going to react to the challenge. If you give up, it's all over. So hopefully, the challenges in H's teenage life will build her character, so that as an adult she will be able to respond to whatever life throws in her path. Forgetting one homework assignment is such a tiny obstacle, but in H's life, at this moment, it was huge.
There will be more challenges, more difficult, more heartbreaking. I wouldn't go back for a million dollars. But I'm glad I went through those years, because without them I wouldn't be the person I am today. H is going to be just fine.
Don't get me wrong, I do have many fond memories of high school...Friday night football games, slumber parties with friends, sneaking out of the house to go "rolling", music blasting, hanging out at McDonald's, Pasquale's Pizza, or the school parking lot, having a mad crush on a boy and finding out that he "liked" me, too, first dates, spring baseball games, cheerleading camp, driving for the first time, etc. But NONE of those memories include studying (which I didn't do much of anyway), the awkwardness of social relationships at that age, or especially the nights I would cry myself to sleep because my best friend/boyfriend hurt my feelings.
H is in 10th grade. The second year at a new school. When people ask me or her whether we're glad she made the switch, there is NEVER a hesitation, and we always answer with a resounding "YES!" But the highs and lows of 10th grade are unbelievable. She is facing more and more homework, increasingly difficult subject matter (two of her 'honors' classes are using college textbooks), worrying about getting into a 'good' college, balancing basketball, academics and a social life, conflicts with friends, coping with unpredictable moods, and concerns about her appearance, As if that's not enough, she has to deal with all this while undergoing rapid physical and emotional changes - and without the benefit of life experience.
Last night, my daughter didn't have basketball workouts, practice or games after school, a rarity in her life. She came home right after school, relaxed a little bit, and then set in to do her homework. She was in a great mood...we had a wonderful dinner together, and talked about a lot of things she doesn't usually have the time and/or energy to talk about. She got to bed before 10:00 pm, which is another rare happening. This morning she popped out of bed and started getting ready for school. About 15 minutes later I heard her footsteps running from one room to another, and the inevitable, "Moooooommmmmmmmmmm!"
She had checked her email and realized she forgot an English reading assignment, the first chapter of Oedipus Rex. For my compulsive daughter, who NEVER forgets to turn in her homework, because she likes the extra boost her perfect homework score gives her grade, this was a catastrophe. Of monumental proportions. Suddenly, everything about school was terrible..."It's too much...It's too hard... I can't doooooo ittttt!!!" After I convinced her to sit down and breathe, she started to calm down a little bit. But there were still tears on the way to school. She emailed her teacher, asking if she could get partial credit if she turned it in late, and of course, he agreed.
A typical over-reaction from my teenage daughter. But on the positive side, these challenges may help develop what some experts believe is more important than IQ in predicting future success in work, personal and financial life: the 'Emotional Quotient' or 'EQ'. The EQ includes knowing and managing your emotions, motivating yourself, and recognizing and understanding other people's emotions as well as managing relationships. In other words, how YOU react to challenges in life.
H and I recently watched this Youtube video:
I keep watching it, over and over. I think it is actually embedded in my brain at this point. I told H this morning, it's like the man in the video. The challenge is not the end. It matters how you're going to finish. How you're going to react to the challenge. If you give up, it's all over. So hopefully, the challenges in H's teenage life will build her character, so that as an adult she will be able to respond to whatever life throws in her path. Forgetting one homework assignment is such a tiny obstacle, but in H's life, at this moment, it was huge.
There will be more challenges, more difficult, more heartbreaking. I wouldn't go back for a million dollars. But I'm glad I went through those years, because without them I wouldn't be the person I am today. H is going to be just fine.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Top Ten Reasons why I haven't posted lately
It's 6:30 a..m...my favorite time of day. My family is still sleeping and I have an hour or two to eat my toast, catch up on emails, read the paper, and today I decided to face the horror of (DUM DUM DUM) the unwritten blog post. It's been so long since I've written anything that I feel like I've forgotten why I started doing it in the first place. I've even put a lot of thought into just shutting it down, and starting all over with a different kind of blog, one that might be a little less A.D.D. (all over the place), and a little more narrow in topic. But that would never work for me, because I never know what is going to motivate me to sit down and write.
This morning, after I finished breakfast, fed the dog, checked facebook, read my emails, and looked up Colorado College for H (who is in 10th grade and beginning to think about colleges), I looked up at the bookmark toolbar on my mac and winced as I clicked on this blog. Yep, it's been almost two months since I wrote anything. So in essence, I'm probably starting all over anyway. But I'm still going to write about my life, because that's what I know (and that's what my mom wants to read).
We're in Lake Toxaway this weekend for fall break, and I think it's as good a time as any to make excuses for why I haven't posted, and to start writing again, because to be honest, I write for me. No ads, no promotions for products that I keep getting asked to review (so please stop asking me!), just a place for me to talk about life with a teenage daughter, a husband who is my best friend, my girlfriends (yesssss!), and my dog.
There are a lot of reasons for not writing, but here are the top 10:
10. We had H's Sweet 16 party last month with her best friend...lots of planning for a party with 115 of their closest friends. In H's words..."Best night of my life!" And as a mother, those four words made it all worthwhile.
9. I started taking bioidentical hormones this summer, which have made me feel like a new woman! I'm sleeping all night long for the first time in years. So I'm feeling so much more energetic during the day, but the wee hours of the morning, when I used to write, are now spent sleeping.
8. I'm chairing two committees at H's new school. Last year when H was in her first year at the school, I tried to volunteer so that I could meet other moms, but they didn't need me! Strangely, at this school, they have so many uber-moms that volunteer, the positions get taken pretty quickly. At her old school, there were just a handful of moms who had time to volunteer, so a few of us did all the work and we were always looking for warm bodies to help.
7. J turned 50 this month, so two weeks after H's "Sweet 16", we had a 50th birthday party for him. More party plannning, and a house full of family from out of town.
6. I made two slideshows, one for H's party and one for J's. Shouldn't have taken me the bazillion hours it ended up taking, but I had so much fun looking at all the old photos it took five times longer.
5. Between H's party and J's party, we went on a cruise to New England and Canada to see the fall colors.
4. Now that H is back in school, her schedule is unbelievably busy. Fall basketball double headers, workouts three days a week, open gym two days a week, driver's ed every saturday, and her social life whenever she can squeeze it in. Not to mention her schoolwork. She's in 10th grade, and two of her classes use college textbooks, she has homework until 11 or 12 every night. I know it's not MY schedule, but I'm still shuttling her back and forth between all of this, as well as trying to calm her down when she's overwhelmed, which is quite often. She now has her driver's license, so now she's shuttling me around (which is another blog post altogether).
3. Even though J's birthday party was last week, we're also planning a long weekend next weekend in North Carolina with some close friends. This is J's favorite place in the world, and he wanted to celebrate in an intimate way with our friends.
2. My 15 year old nephew just spent three days in Pediatric Intensive Care at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital for some weird reaction to flu symptoms. He was sick for a few days, fever wouldn't come down, throwing up like crazy, so my sister-in-law took him to the ER to get some fluids. When they couldn't get his fever to come down they transferred him to Vanderbilt and when he got there, his blood pressure dropped to 47/20, and his kidneys shut down. All the blood tests have come back negative, so they have no idea what caused it all. He's better now, and came home yesterday with a pick line to continue his IV antibiotics, but he gave us all quite a scare.
But the number one reason I haven't written anything, is that I feel so inadequate compared to some of my favorite blog writers, like these:
Busy Dad's Blog
La Belle Saison
Mrs. Fussypants
Suburban Turmoil
But what is up with the blogs that suddenly have pop up ads all over the place??? Come on guys, that is so annoying. I know you have zillions of readers and make some money from the ads you have, but POP-UPS? They've got to go.
Anyway...there are my excuses. I promise I'm going to do better. I enjoy writing when I do it, so I am going to JUST DO IT. So please, the few readers I had before the sabbatical..please come back!
This morning, after I finished breakfast, fed the dog, checked facebook, read my emails, and looked up Colorado College for H (who is in 10th grade and beginning to think about colleges), I looked up at the bookmark toolbar on my mac and winced as I clicked on this blog. Yep, it's been almost two months since I wrote anything. So in essence, I'm probably starting all over anyway. But I'm still going to write about my life, because that's what I know (and that's what my mom wants to read).
We're in Lake Toxaway this weekend for fall break, and I think it's as good a time as any to make excuses for why I haven't posted, and to start writing again, because to be honest, I write for me. No ads, no promotions for products that I keep getting asked to review (so please stop asking me!), just a place for me to talk about life with a teenage daughter, a husband who is my best friend, my girlfriends (yesssss!), and my dog.
There are a lot of reasons for not writing, but here are the top 10:
10. We had H's Sweet 16 party last month with her best friend...lots of planning for a party with 115 of their closest friends. In H's words..."Best night of my life!" And as a mother, those four words made it all worthwhile.
9. I started taking bioidentical hormones this summer, which have made me feel like a new woman! I'm sleeping all night long for the first time in years. So I'm feeling so much more energetic during the day, but the wee hours of the morning, when I used to write, are now spent sleeping.
8. I'm chairing two committees at H's new school. Last year when H was in her first year at the school, I tried to volunteer so that I could meet other moms, but they didn't need me! Strangely, at this school, they have so many uber-moms that volunteer, the positions get taken pretty quickly. At her old school, there were just a handful of moms who had time to volunteer, so a few of us did all the work and we were always looking for warm bodies to help.
7. J turned 50 this month, so two weeks after H's "Sweet 16", we had a 50th birthday party for him. More party plannning, and a house full of family from out of town.
6. I made two slideshows, one for H's party and one for J's. Shouldn't have taken me the bazillion hours it ended up taking, but I had so much fun looking at all the old photos it took five times longer.
5. Between H's party and J's party, we went on a cruise to New England and Canada to see the fall colors.
4. Now that H is back in school, her schedule is unbelievably busy. Fall basketball double headers, workouts three days a week, open gym two days a week, driver's ed every saturday, and her social life whenever she can squeeze it in. Not to mention her schoolwork. She's in 10th grade, and two of her classes use college textbooks, she has homework until 11 or 12 every night. I know it's not MY schedule, but I'm still shuttling her back and forth between all of this, as well as trying to calm her down when she's overwhelmed, which is quite often. She now has her driver's license, so now she's shuttling me around (which is another blog post altogether).
3. Even though J's birthday party was last week, we're also planning a long weekend next weekend in North Carolina with some close friends. This is J's favorite place in the world, and he wanted to celebrate in an intimate way with our friends.
2. My 15 year old nephew just spent three days in Pediatric Intensive Care at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital for some weird reaction to flu symptoms. He was sick for a few days, fever wouldn't come down, throwing up like crazy, so my sister-in-law took him to the ER to get some fluids. When they couldn't get his fever to come down they transferred him to Vanderbilt and when he got there, his blood pressure dropped to 47/20, and his kidneys shut down. All the blood tests have come back negative, so they have no idea what caused it all. He's better now, and came home yesterday with a pick line to continue his IV antibiotics, but he gave us all quite a scare.
But the number one reason I haven't written anything, is that I feel so inadequate compared to some of my favorite blog writers, like these:
Busy Dad's Blog
La Belle Saison
Mrs. Fussypants
Suburban Turmoil
But what is up with the blogs that suddenly have pop up ads all over the place??? Come on guys, that is so annoying. I know you have zillions of readers and make some money from the ads you have, but POP-UPS? They've got to go.
Anyway...there are my excuses. I promise I'm going to do better. I enjoy writing when I do it, so I am going to JUST DO IT. So please, the few readers I had before the sabbatical..please come back!
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